Lessons Learned from a Bad Vacation
It seems as though every few years, we have a vacation that seems doomed from the beginning. There was an unfortunate trip to Mammoth over Christmas vacation that started with my son being stung by a bee (he is allergic). I fainted in the shower busting my lip open and rounding out the bad luck, my daughter puked on the lift all over her ski instructor (she insists I tell you she was only 9 at the time). This year our trip to La Paz was one of those vacations. The thing about vacations is that they are a time for our family to spend time together, bond away from the pull of commitments, and pull on our time. So regardless of whether a vacation is perfect or not, we learn and grow as a family.
Working to Our Strengths
On vacation, as we work as a family, we are reminded of our individual strengths. My strengths are definitely in planning. I make all of my travel plans finding the best locations, hotels, and excursions to meet our family’s needs. I am also the organizer of all travel items, making sure that if there is rain, we all have rain gear. My husband is an excellent communicator. He does the majority of negotiating with taxi cab drivers, excursion vendors, and everyone else. He makes friends wherever we go and finds out all the local places we shouldn’t miss.
My son is the peacemaker. When tempers flare, as can happen when lost, exhausted, or hungry, Cole helps negotiate peace. Cami loves to travel, and all of it excites her. She is ready to go and do and try every new thing, often forcing us out of our comfort zone.
When we play to our strengths, our vacations, regardless of external forces goes smoothly. During our trip to La Paz, several things went wrong. They seem to come in threes. Have you ever noticed that? First, my son got a virus with a high temperature and sore throat. Then on the second day of our vacation, I was stung by a Sting Ray, and finally, my husband was hit with Montezuma’s Revenge. The last could have been avoided had my husband chosen to avoid the boat captain’s ceviche while out fishing. ??♀️ A consequence of befriending everyone, I guess. Despite these hiccups, we enjoyed our vacation because we continued to work to our strengths as a family.
Highlights Our Weaknesses
Vacations, regardless of good or bad, often highlight areas of weakness. It is easier to remain relaxed and calm when everything is going smoothly. Under stressful situations, especially vacations, we see areas we need to improve ourselves and our relationships. As I mentioned above one, of my strengths is planning, but when things don’t go as planned, it often disrupts my calm or, as my kids would say, “wigs me out.” I suffer from anxiety, so new places and situations can cause me undo stress. I combat that by planning, however as we all know, things never quite go exactly as planned.
To get to La Paz, Mexico, you need to fly out of Tijuana. Being in an unfamiliar situation, I felt anxious. My husband did his best to find out from everyone he knew what to expect to cross the border and fly out of Mexico. It actually is a pretty smooth process, but initially, despite talking to many people, we found ourselves unsure of what to do when we arrived at the crossing in Otay Mesa. The uncertainty was stressful, but luckily we had left more than enough time to figure it all out and make our plane.
My inability to roll with the punches is highlighted during vacation, especially when things go wrong. My ability to remain calm affects my whole family. When I am stressed, the temperature of the entire family runs high. Peace is a practice that I work on daily. Under stress, my husband is usually calm but usually reluctant to take the wheel and right the ship (boating reference is 100% for him). He prefers to be passive and let me be in charge but often misses the cues that I need him to step up. His laid-back style is opposite to my clearly high strung nature, which works for us until it doesn’t.
My son, though always the peacemaker, under stress, likes to pile on his own. He often raises the volume of our discussion to an uncomfortable level, raising everyone’s stress but somehow relieving his anxiety. Under stress, my daughter becomes helpless, refusing to do or think for herself unless directly called upon to do so. These are the dynamics of our family which play out more acutely when things don’t go smoothly. They are part of our personalities, but we work through them and help each other grow as a family.
Pulling Together
Of course, the hiccups of being unfamiliar with flying out of Tijuana are minor. When our family is faced with more serious problems, we face them with a unity that makes me proud. Our La Paz trip had some major bumps in the road, including Cole getting extremely sick with Strep Throat and me getting stung by a Sting Ray. We were long on our road trip to Todos Santos before we realized just how sick Cole was. He was such a trooper in the car, and Cami was so solicitous and carrying. We cut our day in Todos Santos short and returned to AirBnB as quickly as possible. My husband hunted down the doctor and went to town for antibiotics.
The next day, I was wading in the ocean outside our condo and stepped on a Sting Ray. I have pretty high pain tolerance, but this sting of that little guy was excruciating. The worst part is the pain goes on for hours. FYI – placing your sting in the hottest water you can tolerate relieves the pain as long as the water is hot. It also leeches out the poison allowing the pain to resolve quicker. My boys helped me out of the water and to the golf cart (so glad our unit came with one).
Of course, my husband was there to communicate with the fabulous young women doctor so that I could suffer silently. That ended my ocean excursions, and so we spent the rest of the week at the pool. I wondered why so few people were in the gorgeous blue ocean. Now I know.
My family came together to help me navigate around town. Putting pressure on my foot was painful for several days. It took almost a month before I was able to put my foot in a sock and shoe that covered it, and even now, a couple of months later, the wound hasn’t healed and, unfortunately, will likely scar. I was grateful that the whole experience happened to me instead of one of my other family members. My husband and daughter both have very small pain thresholds, and my son loves the ocean so much I am not ready for it to bite back at him. Under such circumstances, I am grateful my children were born with empathy and caring, just like their father. It isn’t often, I am the one down, so watching from the sidelines as my family pulled together was a gift of our vacation.
Memories Made
Regardless of whether everything goes smoothly or not, vacations are where many of our memories are made. We already enjoy a good laugh at how Cole and I were literally just talking about shuffling in the water to avoid stingrays when seconds later, I was stung as I took a big step to dive. The family laughs at how my husband insists on eating all the local delicacies, including lukewarm ceviche prepared by his fishing boat captain.
We regularly reminisce about our last trip with my MIL to Costa Rica before she passed away weeks later. She actually zip lined in the Costa Rican forest with an unknown broken rib and Cancer riddling her body. These memories, both sweet and bittersweet, reminds us of our love for each other and the blessing of being brought together as a family.
So how do we handle when things go wrong on vacation? Just like we do anything else, together as a family. It may not always be pretty, but our relationships are based on love and mutual admiration. I am blessed that at 14 and 16, my children still enjoy our company. I feel the pull of time and know they will only be home for a few years more, and I cherish each and every moment we have as a family.
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